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Sociopaths are hazardous to everyone. This is a hard truth to accept, thus we downplay their ruthlessness and extreme self-interested behavior. We prefer to see sociopaths as misjudged or free-spirited. Let's use the character Neal Caffrey in
White Collar as an example. We tend to ignore Neal’s deceptions, con jobs, and thefts, but rather focus on his good
looks, sad past, quirky friends, and charming personality. He is simply
misunderstood, instead of dangerous. His likeability reduces our internal sense
of threat. This
type of misdirection is commonly employed by sociopaths.
What are the indicators that we are dealing with
someone dangerous?
The best resources for this information are found in
Martha Stout’s The Sociopath Next Door and Babiak and Hare’s Snakes in Suits:
When Psychopaths go to Work. I have pulled out several tips from these
outstanding books for the benefit of this article.
According to Martha Stout, the best interpersonal warning signal of a sociopath is when this individual appeals to our sense of
pity. She calls this move the “pity play.” Sociopath uses our sympathy rather
than our fear to manipulate and deceive us.
She goes on to say, “when deciding whom to trust, bear in mind that the
combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with
frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless
person's forehead as you will ever be given.” (p. 109)
How can we protect ourselves from sociopaths?
First, we must learn to trust our gut. If something
seems off kilter or wrong about an individual, even if this person has
impressive credentials, then suspect a problem and be on guard.
Second, we need to know ourselves. What are our
psychological needs and weaknesses? Sociopaths are experts at identifying our
psychological vulnerabilities or “hot buttons” and use them against us. If we
look for approval from others, then they will make sure to build us up so that
they can manipulate us. Becoming more aware of our insecurities will help to alert us when they are being used against us.
Third, we need to suspect the excessive use of
flattery and to watch out for flowery phrases, inconsistencies,
distortions, bad logics, or outright lies. Sociopaths often implore such
tactics to sound impressive and to create a smoke screen. It is helpful to be
clear about what we are trying to express during key conversations in order to
avoid being misled or deceived.
Fourth, once someone has lied three times, including
broken promises or neglected responsibilities, we should suspect this person’s
integrity and get out of the relationship as quickly as possible.
And finally, if we suspect someone may be a
sociopath, we should not try to outsmart or to redeem this person. As harsh as
this seems, some people are dangerous and should be avoided.
The next article will be a list of resources on this topic and will be the final one in this series
on Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Current Television Show Sociopaths:
White
Collar - (Neal Caffrey)
Dexter
- (Dexter Morgan)
Revenge
- (Emily Thorne, Conrad Grayson, Victoria Grayson)
Falling
Skies - (Pope)
Persons
of Interest - (aka Root/Caroline Turing)
References:
The Sociopath
Next Door by Martha Stout,
PhD (2005) Broadway Books
Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths go to Work by Paul Babiak, PhD & Robert D. Hare,
PhD (2006) HarperCollins Publishers