Psychological Matters

Thought: As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:38-42 Today's blog is the final article in the interpersonal boundaries series. We are going to focus on "triangulation." This is a psychological concept introduced in the early 1970's, although it is an interpersonal maneuver as old as man. Basically, triangulation is drawing a third person into an unstable two-person relationship. For examp...

Thought: Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, "Who do the crowds say I am?" They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life." "But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, "The Christ of God." Jesus strictly warned them not to tell this to anyone. Luke 9:18-21 Intimacy is another facet of interpersonal boundaries. Who are we close to? How much do we share about ourselves and with whom? These are important questions. Mismanaged intimacy leads to feelings of betrayal or abandonment. So, let's take a closer look at this issue. I like to think of varying stages of intimacy like visiting different floors in a tall skyscraper. Just as most large city buildings have lobbies, so does our first level of intimacy. Our first floor is open to the public, like most building lobbies a...

Thought: Jesus said to them, "My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working." John 5:17 I consider my last two blog articles to be uncomfortable topics. It's frustrating to know that I don’t have the right or the power to change those around me. This is particularly discouraging news considering my job as a therapist. What am I doing, if I am not changing people? Is there any hope if I don't have the power to change others? I think there is. God loves the whole world. It is his desire that not one of us is lost to sin (1 Timothy 2:3-4). He knows we need help. As Jesus was preparing to be crucified, he told his disciplines that he was sending the Comforter or Counselor to be with his people for forever (John 14:16). The word Counselor is Greek for "parakletos" which literally means "called to one's side." It is used to describe an advocate or an intercessor. Jesus further explained that it will be the work of the Coun...

Thought: "Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (that is, the Son of Timaeus), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." So they called to the blind man, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus. "What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him. The blind man said, "Rabbi, I want to see." "Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road." Mark 10:46-52 How do people change? This is the billion dollar question. Imagine the money ...

Thought: "For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me." John 6:3 I am going to let you in on a therapist's secret. It's this: you can't change another person, no matter how much you ask, beg or plead. They just won't do it. If you don't believe me, ask a spouse or a parent of a heroin addict. They'll tell you. They will have tried crying, screaming, threatening, and even manipulating their drug addicted loved one to no avail. People don't change because you ask them too; they only change when and if they want to. Jesus knew this. You never saw him asking someone to change. He didn't try to stop Judas from selling him out (John 13:26-30). He didn't throw Peter out of the group of disciples despite Peter's immaturity (Matthew 16:22-24). He didn't even tell Martha to leave her sister, Mary, alone (Luke 10:38-41). He understood this principle and followed it. You would think that if anyone co...

Thought: . . While his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you? "Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" Luke 2:43, 48-49 Lately I have been thinking about interpersonal boundaries. In counseling it comes up frequently as an issue. How much control do we have over the daily decisions of our lives? Who makes the decisions and why? Who suffers the consequences? How much do I share of myself and my opinions with those around me? How comfortable am I with conflict and how do I go about dealing with unresolved disagreements between myself and others? All of these questions have to do with interpersonal boundaries. I thought I would spend a few weeks focusing on these types of ques...