Psychological Matters

Since Freud, researchers have studied various environmental effects on maturing personalities, and it has been well documented that parenting styles are profoundly involved in the shaping of children’s developing psyches. It is hard enough working with a narcissistic boss or living with a narcissistic spouse, but being raised by narcissistic parents has several serious emotional consequences. What are some of these effects? Dr. Paul Meier in his book, You Might Be a Narcissist If . . . How to Identify Narcissism in Ourselves and Others and what We Can Do About It , identifies four consequences of narcissistic parenting. They are: 1) the  development of a false self; 2) the desire to behave with perfectionism; 3) chronic habits of passivity; and 4) increased vulnerability to addictive behaviors. The Development of a False Self Since narcissistic parents unconsciously need others to help soothe their fragile sense of self, they naturally turn to any available relationships

Recognizing the need for help is always challenging. It is especially difficult when dysfunctional narcissism is present. The nature of the disorder leads sufferers to believe their problems result from circumstances outside themselves and not from their poor choices or bad behavior. This occurs for two main reasons. First, narcissists rarely accept responsibility for their situation. Being responsible means accepting blame. Since feeling at fault is intolerable, they project blame on to other  people or the environment around them. For example, if narcissists aren’t punctual to an important business meeting, it isn’t because they left home too late,  it is because of the slow drivers who delayed them as they traveled to work. The second reason narcissists don’t see themselves as the cause of their problems is because they tend to believe they are better than others. The rules that apply to others, don’t apply to them. This isn’t real confidence or healthy self-esteem, rather