Recognizing the need for help is
always challenging. It is especially difficult when dysfunctional narcissism is
present. The nature of the disorder leads sufferers to believe their problems
result from circumstances outside themselves and not from their poor choices or
bad behavior. This occurs for two main reasons.
First, narcissists rarely accept
responsibility for their situation. Being responsible means accepting blame. Since
feeling at fault is intolerable, they project blame on to other people or the environment around them. For
example, if narcissists aren’t punctual to an important business meeting, it
isn’t because they left home too late,
it is because of the slow drivers who delayed them as they traveled to
work.
The second reason narcissists don’t
see themselves as the cause of their problems is because they tend to believe
they are better than others. The rules that apply to others, don’t apply to
them. This isn’t real confidence or healthy self-esteem, rather it is an
inflated, insecure, and fragile self-perspective.
Both maneuvers (deflected blame and
exaggerated sense of self) are psychological defensive efforts to protect
narcissists from their chronic sense of shame. They fear appearing weak, and
since seeking help is a vulnerable act, they tend to resist the need for
treatment. Seeking help says that there are situations too big to handle on their
own. To narcissists, this is extremely risky to their fragile sense of self.
So, do individuals with
narcissistic traits ever initiate counseling? Sometimes, but they are rarely
motivated to seek help on their own. Therapy is usually pursued when they have
encountered severe interpersonal or occupational difficulties. Outside
influences often push narcissistic people into psychological treatment. For
instance, they might be threatened with divorce or have had too many run-ins
with their boss. In my experience, these individuals rarely stay long in
counseling. Since their motivation to address their contribution to their
problems is very low, they usually leave treatment as soon as the situation
improves.
Narcissists also seek treatment when
they have a strong psychological reaction, such as the development of
depressive or anxiety symptoms, to an external difficulty. The emotional pain
often propels them to seek help. It is especially helpful when their support
system also encourages the use of counseling. These individuals often are more
motivated to address their personal issues and have a better treatment response.
Since narcissists tend to avoid taking
personal responsibility for their difficulties, they do not respond quickly to
therapy. Counseling takes a long time with regularly scheduled sessions to see
small improvements. Successful treatment also requires a strong bond of trust
between the client and therapist before suffering narcissists feel safe enough
to look at their own interpersonal fears and weaknesses.
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