Narcissistically wounded
people seem larger than life. Due to their tendency to idealize their experiences,
everything is a grand adventure. They often are the most charismatic individuals
in the room. Others are drawn to their grandiosity and spontaneity.
Once people enter the orbit of a narcissist, they are
required to submit to the narcissistic person’s control. This control unfortunately
is initially attractive to those who are used to regular self-effacement and
self-abasement. Also, some individuals lack the self-confidence to take
chances. Narcissists solve this problem by allowing others to live vicariously
through their adventures.
However, marriage to narcissists is extremely difficult. Narcissists
are insensitive to the needs of their spouse. They are dismissive of their
partner’s opinions and thoughts. They have trouble empathizing with others and seem emotionally
distant.
Since getting help requires each member of the relationship
to address their individual contribution to the marital difficulty, these
marriages often end in divorce. Narcissists rarely see themselves as part of
the problem and tend to resist the therapeutic process. They are filled with
shame, and the fear of being perceived as a failure makes them resistant to
change.
In such circumstances it can be helpful for the narcissist’s
spouse to seek individual counseling. Through the support of a trained
professional, the spouse can learn to define and maintain healthier
interpersonal boundaries. The spouse can also carefully assess whether staying
in the marriage is possible for his or her psychological well-being.
The next article will be a list of reading resources about
narcissism. It will be the last article in the series exploring the
Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
In the new year, we will begin to address another difficult
personality disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder.
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