Skip to main content

Narcissists in Love—Brief Examination of Narcissism in Marriage, Part 2


The last article ended with the question: Why do some individuals marry narcissists?

Narcissistically wounded  people seem larger than life. Due to their tendency to idealize their experiences, everything is a grand adventure. They often are the most charismatic individuals in the room. Others are drawn to their grandiosity and spontaneity.

Once people enter the orbit of a narcissist, they are required to submit to the narcissistic person’s control. This control unfortunately is initially attractive to those who are used to regular self-effacement and self-abasement. Also, some individuals lack the self-confidence to take chances. Narcissists solve this problem by allowing others to live vicariously through their adventures.

However, marriage to narcissists is extremely difficult. Narcissists are insensitive to the needs of their spouse. They are dismissive of their partner’s opinions and thoughts. They have trouble empathizing with others and seem emotionally distant.

Since getting help requires each member of the relationship to address their individual contribution to the marital difficulty, these marriages often end in divorce. Narcissists rarely see themselves as part of the problem and tend to resist the therapeutic process. They are filled with shame, and the fear of being perceived as a failure makes them resistant to change.

In such circumstances it can be helpful for the narcissist’s spouse to seek individual counseling. Through the support of a trained professional, the spouse can learn to define and maintain healthier interpersonal boundaries. The spouse can also carefully assess whether staying in the marriage is possible for his or her psychological well-being.

The next article will be a list of reading resources about narcissism. It will be the last article in the series exploring the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

In the new year, we will begin to address another difficult personality disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder.

Pin It

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Narcissism: Understanding the Effects of Narcissistic Parenting

Since Freud, researchers have studied various environmental effects on maturing personalities, and it has been well documented that parenting styles are profoundly involved in the shaping of children’s developing psyches. It is hard enough working with a narcissistic boss or living with a narcissistic spouse, but being raised by narcissistic parents has several serious emotional consequences. What are some of these effects? Dr. Paul Meier in his book, You Might Be a Narcissist If . . . How to Identify Narcissism in Ourselves and Others and what We Can Do About It , identifies four consequences of narcissistic parenting. They are: 1) the  development of a false self; 2) the desire to behave with perfectionism; 3) chronic habits of passivity; and 4) increased vulnerability to addictive behaviors. The Development of a False Self Since narcissistic parents unconsciously need others to help soothe their fragile sense of self, they naturally turn to any available relationships
11 comments
Read more

Antisocial Personality Disorder Resource List

This is the final article in the series looking at Antisocial Personality Disorder. I plan to start a new series discussing various aspects of Depression in January 2013. Hope everyone has a wonderful, happy holiday season! Resource List Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths go to Work by Paul Babiak, PhD & Robert D. Hare, PhD (2006) HarperCollins Publishers Not all individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) are in prison, many are among us. They work and play alongside us. Babiak and Hare reveal the common ploys of psychopaths, especially in the corporate world. The authors provide detailed suggestions about how to screen for psychopaths in the interview process as well as how to protect the work environment from those whose main goals are to manipulate and exploit the workplace. This is an outstanding book for those in the business world who would like to become more aware of the subtle warning signs of psychopaths.   The Sociopath Next D
5 comments
Read more

Patsies, Pawns, Patrons, and Police: Understanding Sociopathic Relationship Roles

At least one time in our lives each of us will make the mistake of trusting someone who doesn’t deserve it.  Especially when we consider the statistics that one out of every twenty-five people in the world are individuals with APD (sociopaths). In the best-case scenario, this betrayal only inconvenienced us, but more often we will have been conned, cheated, or abused. How do we recognize and avoid relationships with sociopaths? To protect ourselves, it is important to understand sociopaths’ motivation for developing relationships. Their reasons are not the same as ours! Lacking a conscience, they are unable to form emotional attachments and are disinterested in developing a bond with others.  Instead, they are thrill seekers, and use relationships to achieve this goal. In pursuit of their next big emotional charge, sociopaths tend to cast others into three main roles: “pawns, patrons, or police.” “Pawns” are individuals with little or no social or political power who
3 comments
Read more