Psychological Matters

Thought: “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15: 20 (For whole story, please see Luke 15: 11-31) Thanksgiving Day is almost here and I have been thinking about what I am thankful for. I heard a great sermon recently that helped me in this endeavor. Though the story is familiar, the pastor presented a new slant that sheds light on God's amazing love. I found myself very thankful to God once again. Sermons usually focus on the prodigal son and his outrageous, selfish behavior. However, the pastor shared that the father in the story is the main character, not the prodigal son. Maybe instead of focusing on the son's rebelliousness, we should concentrate on the father's equally outrageous loving behavior. The pastor reminded us of the Old Testament Jewish law regarding disobedient sons. Deuteronomy 21: 18-21 tells us that rebellious sons are to be bro...

Thought: "…there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24b In previous blogs I have covered what I consider to be the most important aspects of compassionate support. They are: 1. Be patient. Everyone experiences pain differently. Each of us will have our own expressions of suffering and our own healing time. 2. Be Accepting. Not everyone shows pain the same way or grieves alike. 3. Express support by using reflective listening. Be slow to offer advice. Instead show sympathy or empathy by actively listening to the one in pain. 4. Offer tangible support by using one of Gary Chapman's five love languages. Be sure you know which language particularly encourages and ministers to the one you are supporting. Now I would like to encourage you not to make a common mistake. In the counseling office, I have listened to many stories of loss and trauma. There is an error people make when they try to comfort the suffering. Usually it comes from that awkwardness I ...

Thought: They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch." Mark 14:32-34 Up to now I have been focusing on being emotionally present to those in need. My son who has been a reader of my blog found tip #1 and #2 frustrating. He said he feels like he isn't doing much to help. It is true the first part of caring for another by maintaining a loving, accepting presence might feel like nothing. However, this supportive presence encourages the suffering to freely express their pain and gives them a sense of safety. I think this is the hardest work there is. A few years ago I spent a couple of weeks with someone who was dying. She couldn't be alone so I kept her company. Every day I spent with her was exhaustin...

Thought: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 My father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer several years ago. We got the news in mid-March. After doing some internet research, we knew that his time would be short. We also discovered that most treatments were palliative, not curative. There was no remission or cure for this type of cancer. I was shocked. My grief started when I realized what this diagnosis meant. My father-in-law died four short months later. I shared his condition with various communities: my colleagues at work, my own family, and my church community. Some people were appropriately supportive. With them I found I could be honest about my feelings and reactions. Ot...

Thought: "When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied. Jesus wept." John 11:32-35 I met M. in graduate school. I liked her quiet presence. She had a way of just being with you without saying much. I could tell she was going to be an outstanding therapist. Her insights were amazing when we studied clinical cases. After spending some time together I realized she was quietly suffering. She had chronic depression. You could see it on her face. She looked in pain or troubled by something. She didn't have much energy. M. didn't hang out with the other graduate students after hours. At times her mood dragged me down too. I sometimes was relieved ...

Thought: "Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family." Proverbs 18:24 translation: The Message Yesterday I sat at the doctor's office waiting for my turn. I have had a sinus infection the past few days and wasn't feeling well. The poor soundproofing enabled me to hear the doctor's conversations with the patient next door. The woman sounded awful. Her cough was loud and loose. It was the kind of cough that makes your ribcage ache. I could tell she was very ill. I heard the doctor inform her that she had the flu. He proceeded to tell her what she probably already knew by listing all the over-the-counter medications she could use. She asked how long the symptoms would last. He explained. She followed up by reminding him she had to return to work soon. I heard the sound of frustration in her voice. I suspected this appointment hadn't really helped. She left the building in the same condition she entered it: still running a fever, coug...

Thought: "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." Matthew 7:24-25 Wind storms blew through my hometown last week tearing down power lines and damaging trees. I saw the utility company crew out cleaning up the damage and repairing downed power lines. As I walked, I noticed a beautiful old maple tree. It looked worn hard, yet once again it had withstood adverse conditions and thrived. What was different about this tree and the others that were damaged? It reminds me of Jesus' parable found in Matthew 7:21-27. Jesus teaches the crowd around him about the man who built his house on the rock. The rain came, streams rose, and wind blew and beat against it, yet it withstood these stresses and didn't collapse. It is interesting that Jesus d...