Most of us have had an experience
dealing with an extremely difficult person. We may have initially found this
individual attractive. He (or she) seemed sincere and had interpersonal
charisma. But once we began to trust this person, we discovered that he was not
who he first appeared to be. We ended up being treated rudely or felt
manipulated. Our interests were betrayed, leaving us feeling ripped off and
deceived. This is a common scenario that happens when we encounter individuals
who has some characteristics of a personality disorder.
What is a personality disorder? The American
Psychiatric Association in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders (DSM-IV-TR) classifies ten distinct personality disorders. This
manual is the primary guide mental health professionals use to identify various
mental health conditions. The DSM-IV-TR defines personality disorders as
“an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly
from the expectations of the individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible,
has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads
to distress and impairment.” In other words, personality disorders are a set of
interpersonal habits and behaviors that develop by adulthood and are strikingly
different from cultural norms.
Not all characteristics of
personality disorders are problematic. Extremely shy people might have some
tendencies of an avoidant personality. Graduate students who meticulously study
for exams might be somewhat obsessive-compulsive. Most of us have a couple of
traits of one of the identified personality disorders. Some of these
characteristics help to make us uniquely ourselves. The critical factor in
determining if the personality disorder tendency is problematic is whether
these characteristics negatively impact our quality of life. For example, does
our spontaneous nature result in unwanted credit card debt? Do we find it
difficult to listen to others and to care about their concerns? Do we find
ourselves easily fearful and are unable to try new things or visit new places?
When our lifestyle and interpersonal relationships are affected, then our
personality quirks are no longer cute, but have become a problem.
Over the next nine months I would
like to spend some time on the topic of personality disorders. I hope these
articles will be helpful in identifying general characteristics of the most
troublesome personality disorders. I also want to provide suggestions on how to
deal with mildly to moderately dysfunctional individuals. Should we risk having
a relationship with someone who is struggling with a personality disorder? What
do we do when this impaired person is our parent, sibling, spouse, or boss?
Hopefully at the end of these articles we will have a better sense of how to
protect ourselves while we continue to support our struggling loved ones.
In the next article we will begin
to explore the dynamics and characteristics of
the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
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