Psychological Matters

Thought: Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, "Who do the crowds say I am?" They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life." "But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?" Peter answered, "The Christ of God." Jesus strictly warned them not to tell this to anyone. Luke 9:18-21 Intimacy is another facet of interpersonal boundaries. Who are we close to? How much do we share about ourselves and with whom? These are important questions. Mismanaged intimacy leads to feelings of betrayal or abandonment. So, let's take a closer look at this issue. I like to think of varying stages of intimacy like visiting different floors in a tall skyscraper. Just as most large city buildings have lobbies, so does our first level of intimacy. Our first floor is open to the public, like most building lobbies a...

Thought: Jesus said to them, "My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working." John 5:17 I consider my last two blog articles to be uncomfortable topics. It's frustrating to know that I don’t have the right or the power to change those around me. This is particularly discouraging news considering my job as a therapist. What am I doing, if I am not changing people? Is there any hope if I don't have the power to change others? I think there is. God loves the whole world. It is his desire that not one of us is lost to sin (1 Timothy 2:3-4). He knows we need help. As Jesus was preparing to be crucified, he told his disciplines that he was sending the Comforter or Counselor to be with his people for forever (John 14:16). The word Counselor is Greek for "parakletos" which literally means "called to one's side." It is used to describe an advocate or an intercessor. Jesus further explained that it will be the work of the Coun...

Thought: "Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (that is, the Son of Timaeus), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." So they called to the blind man, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus. "What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him. The blind man said, "Rabbi, I want to see." "Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road." Mark 10:46-52 How do people change? This is the billion dollar question. Imagine the money ...

Thought: "For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me." John 6:3 I am going to let you in on a therapist's secret. It's this: you can't change another person, no matter how much you ask, beg or plead. They just won't do it. If you don't believe me, ask a spouse or a parent of a heroin addict. They'll tell you. They will have tried crying, screaming, threatening, and even manipulating their drug addicted loved one to no avail. People don't change because you ask them too; they only change when and if they want to. Jesus knew this. You never saw him asking someone to change. He didn't try to stop Judas from selling him out (John 13:26-30). He didn't throw Peter out of the group of disciples despite Peter's immaturity (Matthew 16:22-24). He didn't even tell Martha to leave her sister, Mary, alone (Luke 10:38-41). He understood this principle and followed it. You would think that if anyone co...

Merry Christmas! I am so grateful for the gift of Jesus. He loves us so much that he doesn't come in with power and glory, but as a tiny, frail baby. He doesn't appear in a glorious fiery entrance, but instead by birth in a humble, cold, dark stable. It's because of his humility that we are able to approach him. How amazing and fantastic that he comes to show us God. After the new year starts, I will continue the series on interpersonal boundaries. I hope each of you has a wonderful holiday season. It is my prayer that in 2010 the wonder of Jesus' love fills you in new and surprising ways.

Thought: "As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "'Go sell everything you have and give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth." Mark 10:17, 21-22 One of my boys has a large school project. He has procrastinated and now has almost no time left to finish the project. I seriously doubt that it will be done well. He is in high school and hopes to be accepted at a highly competitive college. As a result, his grade point average is very important. This project has the potential to hurt him. I want the best for him. I want him to achieve his goals, so my investment is high too. What should I do? Do I leave it be and let his lack of motivation and la...

Thought: "My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." John 4:34 When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry." Luke 7:13 So far we have defined interpersonal boundaries as the psychological place that makes up you, called the Self. It is the location where you start and another person ends. I like to visualize it as an actual wall, just like you might find around a castle. However, this wall or boundary can have varying levels of thickness and flexibility. It can be rigidly formed like a brick and mortar wall, or it can be open and undefined, more like my property line. It all depends on you. The next challenge is becoming aware of your type of personal boundary: rigid, fixed and clearly defined vs. open, permeable, and flexible or fluid. This is something you may or may not know about yourself. So let me ask you some questions to help clarify your type of interpersonal bounda...